When it comes to life, there are certain things that we just know will happen. Routine things that happen every day or that we know we will experience in our life like… there are 24 hours in a day, there are 7 days in a week, laundry and dishes will never be completed, your boobs will sag as you age (especially after nursing 2 kids!)….things like that. Then there are the surprises in life. We all know life can be full of surprise and we somewhat expect we will be surprised by at least a few things in our life like….Surprise! Your husband’s vasectomy didn’t take and now you are pregnant with your 4th child! (not me, Thank God, but it happens) or Surprise! Your mother in law is moving in with her 4 cats, one of which is blind and has a bladder control issue (again not me. I love my MIL), or Surprise! It’s…..Bedtime!
Wait. What? What are you talking about, Sue? Shouldn’t bedtime go under the category of expected things? Things that happen on a daily basis? Well, technically yes….unless you live in my house. Then the announcement of bedtime is a complete and utter shock to my kids….EV-ER-Y NIGHT!
In fact, the performance my children put on each night would put even the most veteran actor to shame.
Act 1 Scene 1: Denial
Me: Time for bed, guys.
Liv: What? How come? We just had dinner! It’s still light out!
Meanwhile, the boy has thrown himself on the floor, crying on his back, arms and legs flailing around like a turtle stuck on its back.
Act 1 Scene 2: Negotiation
Me: It’s 7:30. Time to go. Lets go brush our teeth.
Liv: Can’t we have just one more show? Pleeeeaasse???
DJ: Yeah, pwease? One more show?
Liv: And I’m still hungry. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night if I’m hungry.
Me: You wake up in the middle of the night every night. What difference does that make?
Liv: I promise I won’t make a fuss when it’s time to go upstairs. Here, I pinky promise. (Holds out pinky)
DJ: twust me, mom. (On hands and knees, begging)
Me: You pinky promise every night and you still fuss. Upstairs, now.
Act 1 Scene 3: The Long Walk of Doom
Now begins the looonnng walk upstairs to the bathroom. My kids, who have just been whirling around the living room, doing backflips off the couch, are now rendered virtually immobile with lead feet and can’t seem to make it up the 13 stairs to the bathroom. At one point, Liv actually lays down across the stairs and moans, yes, moans that its too far to walk.
The kids are FINALLY in bed after the 17 trips to the bathroom “because I really have to pee this time” and “can I have new water?”. Not to mention the nightly interrogation: “where are you going to be?”, “what will you be doing?”, “what if I can’t sleep?”, “will you check me?”……..time for mommy to relax…..
Act 2 Scene 1: Just Wanted To Say….
Liv: (whispering) Mom? Mom? Are you awake?
Me: Am now. It’s 1:30 in the morning, Liv. What do you need?
Liv: I, um, just needed to ask you something….
Me: (sigh) What?
Liv: What’s your favorite pasta?