Give Me The Dog ANy Day

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This is the string of texts I received from Jen after I hung up on her….TWICE!  I felt really bad, I really did, and I should have let it ring to voice mail, but I had just changed my ringtone to “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen and my phone was up really loud and I was in a tiny room with my dog, the boy, the vet tech, and the vet.  When my phone went off, two things went through my head….1) that song probably is not the best choice for a mom to have as her ringtone and 2) I have no idea how to mute my phone and send it to voicemail.   So I did the only desperate thing I could do…I answered the phone and quickly hung up.  And Jen called back.  So I answered the phone and hung up….again.  So I don’t blame her for sending me a few angry texts.  In fact, those texts were pretty tame for Jen. 🙂  In my defense, I would like to explain what was happening in that tiny room when the phone started to ring.

We have a dog named Jackson.  I’d like to call him a family dog, but really he is my dog.  As the only member of the family who has ever owned a dog before, I know what tremendous work they are as well as the tremendous cost that goes along with having a pet, which is why, after my first dog died when I was 5 months pregnant with the Peanut, I didn’t rush to get another.  I got through the first 3 years of my daughter’s life before the thought of a pet reared its ugly head.  My daughter wanted a cat, but daddy was “allergic” (i.e he can’t stand cats and will never allow one in the house) so that avenue was a dead end.  Talks of a dog emerged, but I quelled those by getting my daughter a fish.  Actually two fish…in two separate bowls….which meant twice the work.  Let me tell you, I soon discovered I was “allergic” to fish and was so happy when the last fish “accidently” died.

She tried to get us hooked on the gateway pets like gerbils, hamsters, and rabbits, but we squashed all those ideas.  I finally restorted to the old “we will get a dog when you are 5″….I know, dangerous, but I was desperte and I needed to buy some time.  And then I got some more time by way of the boy’s birth…there was no way I was adding a newborn AND a dog into the house!   I do have my limits (although some would disagree).

I was called to the carpet when my daughter turned 6….”you said we could get a dog when I turned 5 and now I’m 6 and we don’t have a dog.  You broke your promise!”   Ahh….the old guilt trip, I know it well.

i’m not sure exactly how things came about…I seriously think they chloroformed me and stuffed me inthe car, becasue the next thing I knew, we were at the humane society for their adopation fair…looking at dogs.  My daughter had it in her head of the type of dog she wanted…a white dog with black spots and pointy ears.  I told her not to get her hopes up, there are lots of types of dogs and not all dogs will be a good fit to our home.  its importatnt the dog picks us just as much as we pick the dog.  After my highly philisophical speech, we checked out the dogs, but none really would work with our family.  Most were older dogs that weren’t good for families with kids and the family dogs had already been adopted.  I was secretly doing my happy dance as the volunteers said more dogs would be here next month, when a young dog came back from a walk and came right up to my daughter for a pet.  It was a white dog….with black spots…and pointy ears…..so weird.  The dog’s name was Jackson and he was part Autralian Cattle Dog and part Shepard.  To top it all off, he was high energy, highly anxious and scared of loud noise….a perfect fit for my slightly functional family so we loaded him into the van and head back to our crazy life…with a new dog.  Who would have thought that the dog would be the least insane creature in my house?

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Of course soon after we got the dog, the novelty wore off and he became my dog.  I took him to the training classes (they were too boring for the Peanut to sit through) and I worked with him at home while my kids ignored him.  I calmed him when my kids were running through the house screaming and I feed him while the kids ate their dinner.  I heard “its too hot, too cold, too wet” excuses when it was time to walk the dog and I snuggled him while my kids watched TV.  I knew it would end up this way and I guess I am kind of happy it did because he is a sweet, snuggly dog who likes to hug and most days, he is the one who gives me the least amount of trouble during the day.  Belive me, there are days I’d rather take the dog with me food shopping and leave the kids in the backyard with the shock collar around their necks….but I digress.

Flash forward two years to me in the tiny exam room with my nervous dog, crazy son, the vet and the vet tech.  The vet is asking me questions, the vet tech has my dog in a headlock, trying to stick a thermometer up his butt, the dog is in a complete panic (i don’t blame him) and the boy is swinging the dogs leash like a jumprope and singing a jibberish song that is echoing of the walls of the tiny room…..and then it happened….out of my purses comes “Fat Bottom Girls, you make my rocking world go round”….So I did what any sane person would do…I answered it…and hung up.  And it rang again.  And I answered it again.  And hung up..again.  Sorry, Jen, but there was only so much chaos I can take and at that particular moment, the glass was full, my friend.

After gathering my spastic son, my tramatized dogs, and my phone with the perverted ringtone, I apologized profusely, paid my bill and left, hoping everyone will have time to forget this incident before the next yearly visit.

Once I was back in the car, I promptly texted Jen my apologies for hanging up on her…twice and put my phone on vibrate…don’t want it ringing during my next errand….I was off to drop off some clothes at the local church…

Sue

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