If any of you remember, in our “About” section, I described my husband as “the handsome, loving, and INCREDIBLY understanding Big Man.” Here’s why the “incredibly” is in all caps. I break $hit. Expensive $hit. Not all the time, but often enough. Most recently, I broke my iPhone 4, 17 months in to a 24 month contract, on New Year’s Eve.
We were at our second party of the evening and I may or may not have had a beverage or two in me. Because of all the back and forth and carrying things in and out of houses, I had tucked my iPhone into my back jeans pocket, which is not uncommon for me to do. Then the booze caught up to me and I needed to use the ladies room. Normally, I would have remembered the fact that my phone was in my back pocket, but I had a lot of factors working against me. First, my friend “Betty” had sent me home from a Christmas party at her house a few weeks previously with a bottle of her homemade Pomegranate Tangerine liquer, and I had forgotten to mix any soda or fruit in with it before drinking said liquer with another friend on New Year’s Eve. Secondly, I was in the home of my good friend “Supermodel,” who has VERY bad phone karma. So, I forgot to take my phone out of my pocket and as soon as I went to pull my jeans down, into the toilet my phone went. Luckily, the same booze that had gotten me into this predicament also helped me reach in and grab my phone immediately, without thinking about the fact that I was reaching into (clean) toilet water. Despite ripping the cover off and drying my phone immediately, I could not get it to turn back on.
Back out of the bathroom, Big Man seemed to be enjoying himself. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“What’d you do?” he asked.
“I dropped my phone,” I answered.
“In the toilet.”
“Oh yeah, it’s still dripping.” (Ok, so I thought I had done a bang up job of drying it off, but let’s remember Betty’s hand in all of this. Girl makes a fabulous drink. Impossible to resist.) Anyway, Supermodel, completely understanding my predicament, had a plastic bag of rice ready in no time. Nonetheless, my phone is dead and I am currently awaiting the arrival of my replacement phone in the mail. Yes, I have the replacement insurance, which is $9.99 a month, but the deductible is still another $169. Seventeen months of insurance has cost me (and Big Man) $170 already and now I’m (we’re) out another $169. Ugh.
Big Man, however, was completely unphased by this whole situation. “Let it go. It’s done. There’s nothing you can do about it now. Let’s just have fun tonight.” I’m not sure where this guy came from, because I’d be pretty pissed at me. He was “certainly disappointed” but not angry. I was in a funk, but he was having fun, so I couldn’t have screwed up too badly, right?
On New Year’s Day I was still feeling incredibly guilty about things.
Me: “Ugh. Why do I always break stuff? And why don’t you ever get mad at me?”
Big Man: “Honey, you don’t break that much stuff and it’s been like a WHOLE YEAR since you’ve broken anything.” (Oh, good for me, I’ve made it a whole year without breaking any expensive $hit. I must deserve a party. Or, at least a new iPhone.)
Me: “I scraped all four corners of both of our cars getting in and out of the garage at our old house. “ (Completely true. It was tight pulling in and out of our old garage and we live in New England. Big Man and I are both firm believers that if you have a garage and live in a part of the country where it snows, find someplace else to keep all of your other crap and park your cars in the garage, even if you’re an idiot like me.)
Big Man: “That was our old house. That was a long time ago.”
Me: “And then I backed my car in to the corner of the garage here. And into a tree last summer when we were camping.”
Big Man: “And then you closed the garage door on the back of my car.”
Me: “Not that you’re keeping track.”
At which point we both burst out laughing. If you can see past the monetary aspect of my stupidity, there is some humor to be found in all of this. It also helps that Big Man totaled my last car, which I loved, and that many years ago he backed his mother’s Mercedes into his sister’s car. Oh, and he loves me, of course. (Although sometimes I wonder why.) Happy New Year, Big Man!