Sue and I have done a pretty good job thus far, not picking on our husbands in our blog. They’re both great guys, we love ‘em. But COME ON! We’re married for goodness sake, what Mama doesn’t pick on her guy from time to time? I’ll go first, let’s see where this gets me…
Has anybody out there seen the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry goes shopping for a new car and takes Kramer along for the ride? Kramer goes off on his own test drive and convinces the salesman to keep driving until well after the empty light comes on in the car. Eventually, they run out of gas. Yeah, I’m married to that guy. He looks at the empty light as a suggestion that he should get gas sometime this week. My complaints regarding the empty light are usually met with “What? The empty light means there’s at least one more gallon in the tank. That’s like, 30 more miles.” Maybe. If you aren’t driving a 10 year old car with 125,000 miles on it and the sensor is still functioning properly. Maybe if the girl in the passenger seat isn’t a little type A and already calculating about how far she’ll have to walk with two kids in tow because you decided to drive the 40 miles home from your parents’ house with the empty light on. Maybe.
Let’s add the fact that there has got to be something funky about the way the man drives, because the tires on his car always seem to be a little low on air. Oh, it’s not the tires being leaky either. The car is 10 years old with 125,000 miles on it. This is not the first set of tires we’ve had on the car. In fact, the current set is only about a year old. Of course, we could be continually replacing crappy tires with more crappy tires.
WTF do I care? It’s his car, right? Except on the days that I go to work. We switch cars because his gets better gas mileage than mine and I have a longer commute (yes, we DO care about the environment in our house, AND we’re a little bit on the frugal side.) About once a week I get in his car and the empty light is on. How long has it been on? I often wonder. If it’s a Tuesday, that light could have potentially come on last Friday. Do I have enough gas to make it to the gas station? A little heads up would have been nice.
My first day back to work I get in to the garage and immediately notice that the tires are looking low. I get in the car and the empty light is on. Oh joy, I think. There’s a new gas station in town, I’ll give it a try. Except it’s cash or debit only and the card reader at the pump isn’t working, so I have to pay inside. The clock is ticking. I have a 50 minute commute. There’s no air pump at this gas station. $hit. At the next gas station there is a big sign that says “Out of order” on the air pump. Tick tock. Third gas station. Pump is working, no one using it. Now, to find quarters. Only two, I need three. In to the cashier I go to break a ten-spot. Tick tock. Quarters, finally. Phew. Six. There are six psi of air in the rear driver’s side tire. It should have 32. Really? Not to mention that the other three tires are only about half full. Whatever. I’m glad I stopped, because on my way home from work someone stopped short in front of me and there was enough full surface area in the tires that I could actually brake safely. Later, when I got home from work I told my father-in-law the whole tire pressure story. “Well, how did you know the tires needed air, Jen?” he asked. “The fact that the rims were practically resting on the ground was a good indicator,” I replied.
I can’t speak to the tire pressure thing, but apparently the Kramer effect is not uncommon. Apparently, both my friend Supermodel and my other friend Flippin’ Hysterical drive until the empty light comes on. In fact, Sue has just admitted to doing the same thing. Once Flippin Hysterical drove so long with the empty light on that her husband had to come with a gas can to rescue her. Yes, this was after they had kids and he had all three kids in tow when he came to rescue her. Needless to say Big Man has been given my permission to run away with both Supermodel and Flippin’ Hysterical. (I guess I can add Sue to that list now too.) They’ll only get so far before they run out of gas and have to call for help. I just need to steal his AAA card out of his wallet first…