Close Encounter with My Mother In Law


Marriage is hard so if you’re going to take the plunge,  you might as well marry someone you like.  After 11 years of marriage, I really can’t imagine myself with anyone else.  Sure my husband can be a pain in my ass, makes most everything I say  a sexual innuendo, and honks my boobs  a little more then I like, but I’m sure he would say I can be a pain in the ass, I belch like a lumberjack, and I don’t honk his junk as often as he’d like….so basically, we are the perfect couple.

My husband said he knew he wanted to marry me after our second date.  And why not?  I was the complete package.  I had a Harley, a kick ass dog, I was loud, extremely hilarious and good with power tools.  What’s not to love?  His loud Italian family melded seamlessly with my loud Irish family and his sisters apologized profusely for his flaws and begged me to marry him anyway.  Yep, I’m that good. 🙂

But I think the real clincher that got that ring on my finger was when I mooned his mother.

We had only been dating for awhile when my husband invited me to dinner with his sisters, their husbands, his niece and his mother.  It was summertime and we were going to meet at a local tavern for some seafood and beer. Going against everything I stand for, I decided to wear a somewhat short sundress for this occasion.  I am not a dress person.  I feel awkward in a dress and nine times out of ten, I do something a nice girl in a dress shouldn’t do, like break dance on a dance floor, or decide I just have to slide down that long ass banister in the hotel lobby.  Hence, the reason I rarely wear dresses.  They cramp my style.

The night went well.  We had a lot of laughs.  I enjoyed his mother.  We had a great meal and I had a beer.  Now if you know me, then you know I am a complete lightweight.  I am not a drinker.  I figure I am already loud and obnoxious without adding anything like alcohol to the mix.  That’s like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.  You just shouldn’t go there.

So I nursed a beer and by the end of the dinner, I was feeling kind of happy.  I wasn’t drunk.  I could walk a straight line and touch my finger to my nose.  I was just feeling a little warm and fuzzy.

We parted ways at the end of the evening.  Hubby and I got in his truck.  His sister and her husband packed up his mother and his niece into their car and we head off for home.  They pulled out first and we fell in behind their car.

Not sure how the conversation started, but somewhere along the line I said “How funny would it be if I mooned them?”  My husband replied “That would be f@$%# hilarious!”

Next thing I knew,  he is pulling up along side of their car.  His brother in law was driving.  Mom was in the backseat.  They stopped at a red light.  We pulled up next to them.  I pulled up my seriously short sundress and pressed my extremely white butt to the window.  The light turned green and we sped off, laughing hysterically.

We hit the next red light.  They pulled up beside us.  The entire car was doubled over from laughter.  I’m pretty sure I scarred my husband’s brother in law for life.

Later on,  I found out that when the laughter died and they caught their breath, my now mother in law said “That’s the girl he is going to marry.”


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