Pulling the Band Aid Off… Slowly.

I went on my first job interview in almost six years yesterday.  If you have read Stuck you know that I am searching for that next step.  Little Man will be going to school full time next year, and as much as I love being at home, I do also miss that sense of purpose that comes from working out in the world.

I wasn’t really nervous about my day until after the kiddos were off to school.  It’s hard to be nervous about a job interview when you’re in full “mommy mode.”  Once the kiddos were off, however, all the anxiety and nervousness came flooding in.  Would anybody notice that I wasn’t wearing a suit?  Could anybody besides me tell that my black blazer was just a slightly different shade of black than my pants?  Would I be able to tame my insane hair, and if so, would it stay tamed?  Should I drive in or take the train?  Where was the closest public parking?  Would I end up acting like a doofus mid-interview?

I tried to ask Big Man for help.  I thought that he could at least help me decide between driving in and taking the train.  But, he hates public transportation, which I find totally amusing since he grew up just one town south of Boston.  I, on the other hand, love public transportation.  Taking the train often means stretching the day out longer than necessary, since you’re at the mercy of the train schedule, but in my mind, it was the way to go.  I downloaded a new book to my iPAd and off I went.  I was still a little nervous on the train and had a little trouble concentrating on my book, but it was way better than trying to drive myself in.

Once I stepped outside of Back Bay Station and felt the sun on my face, it was a whole new ball game.  I love Boston.  I love being in Boston, and yesterday was a beautiful day to be in the city, all on my own.  Not to mention, I looked pretty fabulous all dressed up for my interview, mis-matched blacks aside.

I had gotten in an hour and fifteen minutes early, so I had plenty of time to scope out where I was going, hop on the Green Line and meet Zen Mom at Park St. for lunch.  It was a quick lunch, but it was good to see Zen Mom.  I miss running with her on Mondays and Wednesdays, and it was good to catch up and to talk to a full time working and commuting mom.  I don’t really have the opportunity to hear another perspective when it comes to the whole raising kids and balancing a career.  She doesn’t really love her commute, and she misses her time with her kids, but she also sees the value of making money, from a bunch of different perspectives.  She brought up good points about saving money for retirement and the kids’ college funds, but she brought up better points about wanting to set an example for her kids, especially her daughter.  We also talked about being independent and prepared, God forbid something were to happen in our current relationships.

I left the interview feeling like I had rocked it, but that fact remains to be seen.  The job is full time, in Boston, a solid hour away from my kids, and Big Man may need to start traveling more for his job.  I’m not sure if I could take this job if it were offered to me, regardless of pay.  But, I did have an hour to kill before my train home and the Athleta store on Newbury St was just around the corner.  I did also have plenty of time to take in the amazing memorial to the Marathon Bombing victims, read almost every sign, and to take a few pictures.

B strongflowers

photo (6)

photo (7)

When it was time to head out, I grabbed a latte and headed back to Back Bay Station (fabulous in and of itself!).  I still don’t know what I’m doing with myself, but at the very least, yesterday I satisfied my sense or professional self worth.  And, I had an absolutely amazing day in my favorite city, on an absolutely gorgeous day.  Today, it’s back to normal, and according to Betty, I am acting like a doofus already!




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