Please Just Shut The @%#^$^* Up!

Sometimes I think my ears might start to bleed….


Why?  Because my kids never stop talking.  They talk ALL. THE. TIME.  They don’t even care if anyone is listening.  And when they aren’t talking, they are making random, annoying noises.  Just…. noises.  WTF?  Why?  It can be annoying as all hell, but  I have generally become proficient in tuning them out most of the time.


The thing I have a hard time dealing with is the questions. The Never. Ending. Questions.


My son is the biggest offender in this category.  He is constantly asking questions, most of the time, just for the sake of asking something.


Quite a few of  his questions are legit, like “what are we doing today?” or “can I have a snack?”


But about 80% of the other questions are complete bullshit and often times, having no relative purpose other than the fact, I believe, that he just enjoys  the sound of his own voice.


Most of my pain happens in the car…where I am trapped in a small, enclosed place for the duration of our destination.  A captive audience.  This is when I usually lose my mind.


Like driving to Walmart the other day..


The boy:  Is Jackie (our dog) a working dog?

Me:  I guess so.  He is called a herding dog.

The boy: So why can’t we take him into Walmart with us?

Me: Oh, you mean like a seeing eye dog?

The boy: Yes.  Is he a seeing eye dog?

Me: No

The boy: What’s a seeing eye dog?

Me: A dog blind people have. The dog helps them see so they don’t get hurt.

The boy:  Am I blind?

Me: Uh, no.  You can see

The boy: Why I not blind.


Me: Because you’re not.

The boy: How do people get blind?

Me: sometimes they are born that way.  Or because of an accident

The boy: can we get a seeing eye dog

Me: no, we don’t need one

The boy: why?

Me: because none of us are blind

THe boy: Am I blind?

Me (sigh) No

The boy: Why?


(BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! That’s the sound of me ramming my head into the steering wheel)


Don’t get me wrong.  I want my son to be curious and learn about the world.  To do this requires asking questions.  It’s the insane questions like “what’s an eye? or “what’s No mean?” or “why did you say yes?” or my favorite, “what does Happa-buluba-dingdong means?” that make me go apeshit.  It’s when he asks me, every time we get in the car,  if our van has fog lights and are they on right now that my eyes glaze over, my mouth starts to drool,  and I’m pretty sure I develop a strange involuntary twitch.


After answering these types of questions all day long, my mind begins to stop processing all the necessary information I need until I am unable to make a simple decision.  Like an engine that has run out of oil, my mind begins to slowly seize up until it comes to a complete grinding stop.


This is usually the time my husband calls.


Hubby: Hey, Hon.  How was your day?  What did you end up doing?  Have you guys eaten yet?


OMG!  Shut the $#*^$#(^$* up!



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